As I write this I am actually in tears. I’ve just cancelled the first day of photo shoots for my new cookbook because today the pictures were going to be of me. There is no team of people here to help me choose something to wear or to do my hair & make-up. There’s just me, worrying about what I look like. Worrying about putting myself out there. Worrying if you’ll like what I have for you.
Its been a roller coaster over the past 4 years, changing the way I eat, move and think. Somedays it feels like someone is constantly holding a mirror in front of my face, asking me to look deeply at who I think I am, its hard. And of course there will always be that inner bullshit voice that is trying to tell me I’m not good enough. You see I’m the same as you. I have doubts and fears too.
In the past 4 years I have had 2 periods of complete crash and burn, I really thought I was going mad. Someone said this is the “Dark night of the Soul” I like to call it the “Dark Night of the Arsehole” Because it is. Everything is shifting and you don’t know where is safe anymore, your just holding on for dear life, wondering which way is up. Reality seeming like a distant friend.
And there lies the problem – holding on. Through all the things I practice yoga, meditation, clean eating and mindful thinking, I’ve learnt that its when we “Let Go” that we create space for amazing things to rush in. When the walls are all around us we have to surrender. But this can feel scarier and darker than anything else.
Which is why I am here. I have so much to give you. I’ve been through some serious shit to get where I am and I want to continue moving, flowing with the turbulent river of life so that I can share with you the ways of Letting Go. And when your life feels like its in the depth of Winter, I’ll be here to remind you that Spring will come, it has to, its the law of nature.
So tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I’m gonna pick myself up, surround myself with some friends, pop open some champagne, celebrate and get my photo taken. For you. Please don’t pity me, use me as an example, think of me when your nights draw in, because I’ll be thinking of you and I’ll be putting the champagne in the fridge ready to help you welcome the lighter nights that will follow.
We’re all in this together and knowing that has helped my tears dry away.
Have you got someone in your life that might benefit from a this kind of openess? Then share this with them, flash it around on Facebook or Tweet tweet tweet. I’d also love to hear your thoughts. Tell me, ask me and remember ”We’re all in this together”